another episode of a laundry fiasco

naturally trying to be that perfect couple, but instead, this is the real deal. thank goodness for instagram filters to provide alittle bit of beauty, for lack of gracefull-ness, you know, because thats a word. 

i've decided there are only three things that tell the truth, i mean, the real truth : small children, drunk people, and yoga pants.

And since I'm wearing yoga pants, i'm going to tell the truth (in more than one way if you get what I mean).

Truth is, I need a SmartWasher .. . . no really, like I need apple to come out with an iWasher. And I'm ready to pay whatever the cost. mostly so i no longer ruin any clothes or my dignity.

I sat Bronson down, and said, "listen, there is something I stink at, and there is something you stink at. I stink at doing laundry, and you stink at putting your shirts back in your drawer Kon-Mari style method. (google it)." If you know me at all, you know i'm not that humble to admit only what I'm bad at (working on it!).

I happily texted Bronson yesterday at 10am and said, "My victory this morning was starting a load of wash and it finishing in time before I left for work so I could start a second one!" (fist pump in the air).

Considering I hadn't done laundry in a SOLID two weeks, I threw as much as I could in the laundry -- because naturally i want to be efficient. Turns out, trying to be efficient Emily's way, usually means being less efficient in the long run. Go figure.

I stuffed all the whites and sheets in. Bam. Dunzo. I pulled them out of the dryer after work, and instantly burst into tears. My white shorts... my beautiful white shorts that make me feel so fancy, ladylike and rich when I wear them were stained by the detergent pod. You're probably thinking thats not possible, but thats only because you've never been stupid enough to actually do that. In my attempts to get everything done in one load, I'm assuming everything was so packed in and I threw the pod in the middle rather than at the bottom while the water was filling up. #loser. So I had spotted blue shorts. I sprayed and sprayed almost every drop of my stain remover on my shorts and threw them in for another wash. Alone. I read the instructions before i threw them in, turns out, a) you need to wash them inside out. b) you need to wash them alone #highmanitenance c) you need to wash them on warm. d) you need to let them low dry.
a). I washed them right side out. b) i washed them not with whites, but with all the colors. c) I washed them on cold. d) i dried them on high heat. 4 strikes! seriously. does this only happen to me?

after they came out for their triumphal entry from the second wash -- it wasn't triumphal. Still spotted. It was only then was I finally getting around to folding the colored clothes, when I found Bronson's favorite Brasil shirt, completed stained with blue spots.. well technically green, because his shirt is yellow... all across the front and back. I cringed. He was on a run. So I hid the shirt under the couch so I could wait until an appropriate time to tell him.

I told him, and he decided he still wants to be married to me. Phew. So I attempted to soak that in the next bottle of stain remover we had. Thank goodness we had two. I washed them both for another go. This time, my shorts prevailed and were white again. The shirt didn't survive. Lo siento Bronson.

Livid, I fell on the bed defeated. I looked at Bronson, "should we find a publisher to print all these horrible episodes of my laundry, cooking, more laundry, and living experiences." The sad part is when he agreed with me, he was actually serious.

a REALLY forgiving picture of the stained shirt -- somehow in person its about 100x more vibrant. 

In other news... Saturday I was home sick, and there really isn't any glorious part about being sick on Saturday, when everywhere I wanted to be was away from home, and everywhere I was was home. This can only mean one thing, Bronson's cured me of my home-body syndrome.

Bronson came in from the grocery store and said, "Look I didn't buy you flowers, but I bought you reeses puff," and I said, "Thats like the same exact thing!" #heartthrobmoment

And since I really had so much time to kill. I'm really not trying to self-promote my vanity here, but in my recent attempts to preserve memories more, I've been making videos of my pictures. In hopes that years down the road my kids will watch them more frequently then flipping through picture after picture of Reeses Puffs in my google photos app. 

2. camping in the uinta with Jai and Brittany 
3. our wedding (because we weren't cool like that and had a videographer. And since our google fiber internet is crap (pardon my language mom). if there are random pink and gray screens, its probably just because we don't have enough processing power to upload this baby. so it is what is, however cheap it is. And.. our internet is free. so. yeah. 

...tah dah! And in case you are wondering, we realized we've been married for 10 months (almost 11) because its been that long since we've bought toilet paper. And in case you are wondering, thats 45 rolls of it. So we are real adults. And we probably won't need to buy any more toilet paper until our 5 year anniversary. Thanks toilet paper for keeping track of our important milestones. Like wedding anniversaries. 

and.... last item of business. Bronson and I are flying together for the first time tomorrow night to Oregon! Wahoo! 

1 comment

  1. I have had so many laundry mistakes too! And so has bryan. Totally spent a ton of money at the laundry mat when we he started 3 loads of laundry in another washer instead of the dryer! haha! you'll laugh at all of this down the road. It's a good thing you are documenting them :)


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