the ABCS of kitchen casualties

I've had my fair share moments of kitchen causalities and catastrophes, which have landed me on the frigerator wall of shame. After this weekend of my unusual cooking episodes (no, really, Saturday dinner, Sunday breakfast? WHAT?) I finally felt like this might be my big break.

I can just see future headlines saying : "Young cookie novice learns the ways and hasn't burnt a meal in 4 months!"or "A Blonde girl in the kitchen, doesn't seem to be so blonde anymore."

I really felt like this was it, I was out of the woods with cooking. I mean think about it: I made cinnamon rolls, soups, defrosted Rhodes rolls and baked them, brownies from a box, that puts me at nearly pro-status.

So that brings me to tonight, where Bronson suggests we make Pumpkin-chocolate cookies for FHE. Cute idea. But heres the thing, I love cookies, I hate baking them -- the whole put them on pans and waiting for them to bake in the oven -- call me impatient but I can't stand it. So that really turned me off from making cookies tonight. Instead I suggested, "I can make really healthy muffins that I don't have all the ingredients for or, I can make really unhealthy muffins that we have all the ingredients for." You don't even need to be good at gambling to guess which option he picked.

I began making the extremely-unhealthy-bound-to-be-delicious-muffins. And this is how it went down:
Casualty A. I haven't done the dishes since... Saturday? Please don't call the police. I had no utensils, no measuring cups. no bowls. And everything was in the dishwasher or dirty. I found a plastic spoon -- and thats what I used. Here I was depending on measuring spoons all this time, who knew you could just guess and be completely inaccurate and it would turn out okay.
I call this Moonlight Dishes Serenade

Casualty B. Part of the recipe called for melting the butter on the stove. I did so, and let it get pretty boily (that's now a word), but ignored it. A minute later, I went to stir it around and a big glop of boiling butter flew into my eye. If you do not feel bad for me, you're heartless.

Casualty C. I poured aforementioned butter in my bowl and half of it landed on the counter and NOT into the bowl. How does that even happen? I mean, no offense, but only to blind people! And when butter is an essential ingredient, you do not take those misdemeanors lightly. No siree.

Casualty D. I made the glaze topping. I followed the recipe, but it was not even the ballpark of similar consistency as portrayed in the picture. Not even close. The end result was more like melted butter than a thick flowing glaze. Boo Hoo. I added almost a pound of powdered sugar and that helped.

Casualty E. I didn't have any cupcake liners. But don't worry I took care of that and texted my neighbor. As a thank you, I returned her liners with some muffins. It wasn't until tonight when i went to brush my teeth that I have dried drop of glaze running down my forehead. And around my eye. How does that happen to me/people and I not even notice? Am I even human?

Casualty F. 1.6lbs heavier tonight. Most average American's gain 1+ lbs during the holidays, and I am just making sure I do my American duty and gain that extra holiday pudge.


  1. HAHAHA! this made me laugh out loud! Did you really use a plastic spoon the whole time to measure! oh emily, you crack me up!

  2. Those look amazing by the way! I also find it funny that cookies take too much time putting them on the tray and waiting for them to cook......yet muffins are different ;) lol! wink wink!


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